In the past year since my first post, I've had to choose a lot more than I had wished. Choosing is the hardest thing anyone has to do in life, as I feel one is making the whole "lesser of two evil" choice. Basically, one is always choosing the option of "Who will hurt less amongst the two (or more) options that I am give?".
I envy, no, I'm jealous of people who can turned a blind eye and choose for themselves and not think about anyone else. To choose without thinking about what others might judge upon them. It's, in a way, quite brave. I had never been capable of such a thought. The idea of choosing for myself seemed, almost selfish. As though the one option could make or break my friendship with the other party and destroy everything in my life.
I've always been horrible with choices, and yet I always found myself making them; for myself and for others. Whether I made the right choices, was something I regretted only after the choice is made. I guess that's why point-and-click games, like The Walking Dead, Life is Strange and even The Wold Among Us, were games I always feared playing in hopes that it would determine the choices I would make were simply horrible ones and confirm I'm just a horrible person. But games like that always caught my interest because I was able to go on YouTube and look at what would have happened if I had chosen the other option and regret the one I did choose; the one that would have gotten the other person killed or harmed. The idea of going back to see "what happened if" seems amazing, does it not?
Okay, okay... I'm going off topic here. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that choices are one of the hardest things anyone has to ever do; especially when it involves another party. I envy people who make choices for themselves or choices that are "right". How does one know when they make the right choices? Does it shine like a lightbulb above their heads or do they get some sort of "Congratulations! No one died because of you!" sort of celebration?
I'm just sick of making choices that may consequently cause me to lose people that could potentially be my friends. I'm also sick of making choices that consequently cause me to see the dark side of a person and make me realise that that person could have never possibly been my friend unless I did this.
Choices are hard but all I know is that you always have one. One way or another.
Ultimately, everything you end up doing will lead to another choice, and life or death, it will have its individual consequences.
I just wish my choices didn't have to be so life changing all the time for me.
-SimplyySarah-
